Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the Midlife Happiness project, where we share inspiring stories to bring some happy into your life.
Okay, well, we are here with my fabulous friend Donna. She's a recent empty nester. She has two girls, both are away at college, and she's happily married, and she's a business owner. So she's a bad, bad bitch is what she is.
Okay, so, Donna, we are here today to talk to you about your thing, the thing that you've recently added to your life that's really added some excitement and happiness to your life. So can you tell us what your magical thing is?
[00:00:54] Speaker B: Transcendental meditation.
[00:00:56] Speaker A: Okay, so I think we all know what meditation is. What is transcendental meditation?
[00:01:03] Speaker B: So there's a lot of different forms of meditation, and this is a kind of meditation that is about calming your mind. And you do, it's mantra based, so it's very private. You sort of close your eyes, and you say this mantra that they give you over and over again. You do it for, like, 20 minutes, usually twice a day, sometimes once a day. But it's really just this moment where you get away from everything and just focus on the inner self. I've been doing this less than a year, and there's a lot of great information out on the web about transcendental meditation. This was started by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, and he's sort of the father of transcendental meditation. And he started this in the fifties in India and then brought it to the US. And one of the fun facts that I learned about transcendental meditation when I was going through the training process is that Yoda is based on this.
And when I was watching videos of the father of transcendental meditation, Maharishima hash yogi, I'm like, wait a minute.
He's like, Yoda. And the woman said, yeah, the person who did Star wars is a transcendental meditation practitioner, and he really did base the whole force and Yoda, the Persona on transcendental meditation. So fun fact.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: That is cool. Okay. And so, Donna, how often do you do this meditation?
[00:02:50] Speaker B: Daily.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: Every single day.
[00:02:53] Speaker B: Every single day.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: And it sounds to me, if I've got this right, then, that you just do this in the privacy of your home. You didn't have to sign up for anything. This doesn't cost you anything.
[00:03:06] Speaker B: Well, that's, you know, that's the thing about transcendental meditation.
It's really a course that you take. So you sign up for a course in the beginning, and it's not cheap, but you can either go to a center or someone comes to your home? I had someone come to my home because I wanted to learn it in the place where I was going to be practicing it. And for me, I just wanted this to be a very private type of thing. So, you know, it's four consecutive days of training to do this. And that is one of the things that I think that makes it special and that also people to think about before people start doing transcendental meditation is that usually it does start with these courses with a teacher.
[00:03:54] Speaker A: Okay. And so you could have somebody come to your home, but you're saying you could go somewhere, you could go to.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: The center, but either way, there's a fee to learn it. Anybody can do it. But I think the reason why they do it this way is because they want to help get you in the mode of doing this on a daily basis. And so you do four consecutive days with a teacher who's teaching you, sort of the background and the principles of it and doing it with you, and it gets you into this as part. It's to build this into your routine, which is really what I wanted.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: So let me ask you this. You sort of hinted at this a second ago that you were definitely looking for something like this. But would you say then that you went searching for this, or was there something that you experienced? Somebody may have talked to you about something that put you on this path? In other words, did you find it or did it find you?
[00:05:00] Speaker B: I like to think of it that both happened in a way. So, first of all, this was a very intentional seeking process.
Before I was an empty nester, life was very different. I had my routine. I'd get up. My kids would be here. Now. I'm not saying that it was all.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: Sunshine and roses, kidding them out the.
[00:05:24] Speaker B: Door, but I definitely started my day with a sense of meaning and purpose and excitement. And then when I became, became an empty nester, what I found myself doing, you know, is I'd go and I'd grab my tea and I'd be right on the computer. And, you know, I've been running a small business for the past, almost 16 years now and for a long time because my career completely changed when I had kids, like it does with a lot of people. For a long time, I've been planning to start a new business. And so when my kids, when I became an empty nester, I was not only running the other business, but I started this new business, which I'm really excited about. And I found myself just burning the candle at both ends I'd get up, grab my tea, I'd be in the computer, and I'd be working, like, all day and then at nighttime, and pretty quickly, I just started feeling burned out. And I started feeling like there was something missing and that my life was not balanced and that I, if I was going to do this because I want to do this, but if I was going to, that I needed to do it differently than I did when I was younger. When I was younger, I would just crush through things. I would just, you know, brute force, you know, get things done. And that's not where I am right now in my life. That's not the way I want to do things. It doesn't feel healthy, and it's not productive for me. So I actively started searching for ways to find more balance, work life balance, and to manage stress. And so I looked online, and everything pointed to meditation. And there's so many different kinds. You know, there's the spiritual meditation, there's the sound meditation and movement meditation, and all kinds of different meditations literally started, like, trying different ones. And to be honest, I liked them all. All of them were sort of better than nothing, right. But I think that finding the kind of meditation that's going to work for you is like finding the one you might like a lot of different people, but, you know, when it's the one, because it just feels right for you.
And so I was looking, and I spoke to my friend, and I've known her for nearly 50 years. And not surprisingly, she said, oh, I'm looking for a meditation. She's also an empty nester and was kind of going through the same thing. And she said, I'm looking into meditation right now as well. And my research has pointed me to transcendental meditation. And part of me was like, oh, thank gosh, she's done the research, because what I know about her is that she's fastidious in her research, and she also has a fair amount of skepticism. And so I knew that if she was, like, pointing me in that direction and sort of endorsing that approach, there was probably something to it. And so then I looked more deeply into it, and I did the research, and I contacted the transcendental medication center locally to find somebody. And for me, it was like there were a couple of things about it that just felt like a fit. Number one, it's very private. It's a very personal, private experience that you can do anywhere. And that's one of the things I was looking for. The other thing is that it's non religious. There's no dogma for this thing, for the balance thing that I was looking for. I wasn't looking for something like that. I was looking for something to build into my life in a very private way that would just help me become more balanced. And so that's why. That's how I found it. And. Yeah, yeah. And it just. It sounded and felt like a fit, and it has been a wonderful fit for me.
[00:09:16] Speaker A: But I love the way you actively went out and researched it and found out about it and sought it out. I think that's so commendable because so many people, you know, they want something to happen to them, almost as if they expect it to sort of land in their lap. And you have to be prepared to put in a fair bit of work to find that thing. And as you and I have talked about, and I think we're on the same page with this, we think of life as an assortment of these fabulous things that give variety and excitement to your life rather than just seeking the one thing that one hobby or one sport, whatever thing it is you do.
It's many things. So obviously you have lots going on in your life, but certainly it sounds like transcendental meditation has really contributed to your personal happiness.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: Absolutely. Absolutely.
[00:10:19] Speaker A: Now, if you were to say, in what ways so spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, in what ways has it contributed?
[00:10:34] Speaker B: So, you know, it's, first of all, it's become part of this new routine that just sets up my day to be better, you know? So instead of coming downstairs, grabbing my tea and getting on my computer right away, I now start my day every single morning with 30 minutes of stretches and exercise. I put on my bach radio, whatever, and I just, you know, start my day that way. I do 20 minutes of transcendental meditation. And that's, you know, the way that this TM works is, you know, you really, you close your eyes and you're going into this, this space where, you know, you've got sort of an internal mantra that you're. That you're saying. You're not saying it, but it's inside your mind. And it gives you this time where you're awake, but you're just thinking of nothing. You're not focused on your to do list, you're not worrying about anything. It's just sort of this space.
This is how it feels to me anyway. And I think it is very personal. So I can only speak to the way it feels for me, but it's this space of sort of like misty nothingness in a way where you're just. There's just nothing.
[00:11:52] Speaker A: This sounds amazing.
[00:11:53] Speaker B: Yeah, there's just nothing. But somehow everything. Like, that's kind of the interesting thing about it that I wasn't expecting. You know, it's just. It calms you, but it also gives you this feeling of connectedness to sort of everything, which is really cool. So when you ask how, you know, it has impacted my life and how it feels, the main thing is, is that I start my day feeling, you know, first of all, my mind is clear.
I feel incredible focus after this. It's. I don't know how that happens, but I am much more focused. But I think one of the wonderful things about it is that, you know, you do your 20 minutes of transcendental meditation, and then you have this period, three minutes, usually, where you're coming out.
I use that three minutes of time to just sort of, you know, when I'm coming out of it to sort of reflect on how I'm feeling in that moment of, you know, being exposed to, like, this. This quiet nothingness, which is everything somehow. And it gives me this perspective that all these worries that I have, it's not so big. Like, let it go. Let it go.
[00:13:10] Speaker A: Like, it's just awesome.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: It's not so big. And then the other part of it, um, which is wonderful, is that I feel so much gratitude. Like, I feel like, you know, we're just so lucky to be here. It just. I. It's just that moment in the day where I can just feel the sense of perspective and gratitude for just being alive. And it's a great way to start my day. And so, you know, instead of being like, oh, I got to do this, and I got to do this, I sort of start, you know, then I grab my chai tea latte, and I start my day just feeling grateful and feeling like, you know, what?
These worries that I have about my business or about my kids or whatever it is that's on my mind, it's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. And it's sort of, I give myself permission to work in a way that is more balanced, to take care of myself throughout the day so that I don't get owned by my work. Because there was a time in my life when work owned me, and that was fine. That was where I was in my thirties. I loved working. I loved what I was doing. I was doing companies then, still doing it now, and I still love it, but I just don't want to do it in the same way. I want to do it in a way that works in my life, that makes me feel good and that is manageable.
[00:14:36] Speaker A: I think everybody can relate to what you're saying, right. And I like what you're saying about giving yourself kind of permission for this. And that's a big part of sort of this empty nestor syndrome, right. That we've been moms and dads for so long and we've been making other people our priority. So sometimes something as small as mom needs to close the door and meditate for 20 minutes by herself.
No, there's not enough time. It's taking away from somebody else. So now we're in a spot, and you are seizing the opportunity to plug in back to yourself and allow yourself to do that. And that's amazing. I mean, I can't imagine anybody wouldn't want this in their life. And honestly, I knew nothing about transcendental meditation, so this is fabulous.
[00:15:36] Speaker B: I didn't either. And I am a fairly unlikely person to be doing meditation because I never thought I could. I never had any desire to do it. For me, it's just I'm at this point in my life where I felt like something was missing. I really, I needed something and I'm glad that I can do it and I love it. I'm surprised. I'm surprised by the whole thing. But it just feels, it feels good. It feels like. Like a such positive contribution to my life.
[00:16:08] Speaker A: And I think also what you were saying is that you weren't seeking out some religious experience, which is really interesting because I think some people, when I talk about what little meditation I've done, I think there's this idea that there is this overwhelming, maybe religious or spiritual part, and that might be for some people, but you've made it clear that that's not necessarily the motivation for everybody.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: It's not. And like I said, it is a really personal thing.
Doctor Tony Nader, who is the person who is the head of transcendental, the transcendental meditation organization. So I've given you my views on it and how it feels to me. But I want to read something because I think, I think that it's nice to hear something that is said by, you know, someone who's an expert and someone who's been doing it like their whole life. So this is something that he says. He said the mind is like an ocean on the surface, and at its depth it's quiet. As the mind settles down, it reaches the point where you have no thoughts, a completely settled mind, and you are awake. This is called the transcendental state, where you transcend the mind activity into the self or the bottom of the ocean to go beyond even the faintest impulse of thought to the level of pure consciousness. If we can get there, we go to the source of all creativity and intelligence and to that state of pure being, which is the state of the self. So I thought that was beautiful. I could never have come up with that myself. I just experience it the way I experience it. But I think the whole, you know, the thing, practice. And I think when you do it for long enough, and there are different. There are people who are at a level that I probably will never get to, but I think it is about really finding your true self or being, opening yourself to your true self, because I do think that throughout our lives, there's a lot of layers we put on to survive, to be liked, to, you know, just absolutely whatever that is. And I think part of this practice is about, you know, just tapping into your. Yourself, who you truly are at your core, and that being okay and being at peace with that and letting that sort of, you know, bring joy into your life. And it's, you know, it has. It has. It does. It definitely. Just allowing myself to go there and taking that time for myself each day brings a lot of joy into my life.
[00:18:57] Speaker A: Wow. Well, did I tell you she was fabulous or what? So that was my fabulous friend Donna, and I let Donna get back to finding her inner peace. So namaste.
[00:19:10] Speaker B: Namaste.
[00:19:11] Speaker A: Thank you.
Awesome. Is Janna right?
[00:19:17] Speaker B: Right.
[00:19:19] Speaker A: I think that was really inspiring. She's so cool. I love hearing about this transcendental meditation. I think a lot of us have heard of meditation. Maybe not transcendental meditation, but meditation, as it turns out. And this is kind of crazy. Actually, 38% of all Americans meditate, which is really kind of surprising. But what it does say is that it's definitely accessible. It's something that anybody can really try. And as far as dawn is concerned, she does it because it helps her feel more connected with the world around her. It helps relax her. But over and above everything, it adds to her happiness. And that's what this show is all about. Here's a woman who's a professional. She's of a certain age. Her kids are out of the house. She's definitely an empty nester. And she's somebody who isn't particularly interested in retiring at this point, but is very interested in pursuing things and go getting out there and really looking for things that will really add happiness and enrich her life. And I just really think that's fabulous. And clearly, meditation, be it transcendental or otherwise, is definitely an option for everybody. If you're an empty nester, join us next week when you can meet another of our fabulous friends and they can tell you about their special thing that they're introducing into their life. It gives them a real sense of happiness. We'll see you next week.
